Many times, people ask what brings me the most pride or joy from my time in prison. Without hesitation, I always talk about my relationship with Carole. I’ve written extensively about our relationship in my book, Earning Freedom: Conquering a 45-Year Prison Term. For this website, I’ll provide a chronological backstory.
During the first 15 years of my sentence, I adhered to the strategy inspired by leaders such as Socrates, Nelson Mandela, Frederick Douglass, and others. Their examples guided me to focus on a three-pronged approach to adjustment:
- Education,
- Contributing to society, and
- Building a support network.
This strategy led me to earn university degrees and to begin publishing my work. Through writing, I not only contributed to society but also extended my reach beyond the prison walls, building a network of people who believed in my vision.
One of those people turned out to be a stranger who had read my work. That stranger reached out to the organizers of my 20-year high school reunion at Shorecrest High School, where I graduated in 1982. Carole, who had also graduated from Shorecrest, received this unexpected inquiry about me. His question prompted her to write to me, and that letter became the start of our relationship.
Our correspondence lasted several months and evolved into a romance—a long-distance courtship. At the time, Carole lived in Oregon, while I was confined at the federal prison in Fort Dix, New Jersey. When Carole came to visit me, I began to see her as the love of my life. Falling in love from prison felt like the thrill of a lifetime.
Carole moved from Oregon to New Jersey so we could spend time together during every visit authorized by the prison. She became more than just my love—she became my liaison to the world, helping me connect with publishers and mentors and assisting in making my dreams a reality. I got to introduce her to my family and also to mentors who had been guiding me for several years. Carole became a partner in creating our future.
At the time, I was immersed in the work of personal transformation. Despite the decade I had left to serve, Carole made a commitment to stay with me. Her presence became the catalyst for a new chapter in my life, giving me hope and a renewed sense of purpose.
From the start, I could sense her authenticity. She wasn’t deterred by the challenges of my situation. Instead, she saw the potential in my vision and believed in what I was striving to build. On June 24, 2003, we married inside the visiting room at Fort Dix. We didn’t have much time together, but we both felt grateful that we’d made our commitment to one another.
Over the next ten years, authorities transferred me to different prisons—first to Florence, Colorado, then to Lompoc, California, followed by Taft, California, and finally to Atwater, California. Through it all, Carole supported me unwaveringly, moving a total of 22 times so she could stay near me and visit any time that was allowed.
During that time, she pursued her own education, becoming a Certified Nursing Assistant, then a Licensed Vocational Nurse, and eventually a Registered Nurse. She culminated her formal education by earning a master’s degree as a Clinical Nurse Leader.
Carole’s dedication extended beyond our love story. She became my emotional anchor and my inspiration. Every letter she wrote, every visit she made, reminded me of why I couldn’t afford to give up. Her belief in my work grounded me, but it also pushed me to grow.
When authorities allowed me to transfer from prison to a halfway house, on August 11, 2012, Carole was waiting for me. She drove me to the halfway house in San Francisco’s Tenderloin district. It was the first time we could be together outside of prison boundaries, and it marked the beginning of our new partnership.
Together, we started building the life we had dreamed of during those years of separation. Carole worked as a registered nurse while I worked to build business opportunities and investments that would bring us financial stability. Together, we started laying the groundwork for Prison Professors, the nonprofit we created to help people reach their highest potential.
Carole’s role in my life reminds me that no one achieves success alone. We all need someone who believes in us, someone willing to invest in our potential even when the odds seem stacked against us. Her unwavering support has been the cornerstone of my journey, and our partnership has made our shared success possible.
Reflection Prompt:
- Who in your life can serve as a partner in your transformation, and how can you nurture that relationship to achieve mutual growth and success?
