If we devote every day to working on our values and goals, we set the stage for genuine confidence. I relied on that approach through each of the 9,500 days I lived in prison. I still need it as I plan for the next phase of my career. Each day, I remind myself how today’s decisions connect to the person I want to become, and the impact that I want to make. In other words, I focus on the result that I want to achieve.
Anyone can do the same. I learned that lesson from philosophers such as Epictetus.
Discovering Epictetus
After a jury convicted me, I understood that the judge would sentence me to a lengthy term. The minimum sentence would be ten years. The maximum sentence would be life. I did not expect to get ten years, because I had made so many bad decisions along the way. I was guilty of the crime, but I didn’t accept responsibility. I made a lot of bad decisions through the trial, such as perjuring myself on the witness stand. Still, there were not any allegations of violence or weapons in my case, so I did not expect to get life.
Either way, I knew it would be a long time. I was only 23 when I went into the prison system. So a sentence of a decade or more would be long, with many challenges. My judge sentenced me to serve 45 years, but I did not know what that really meant.
All I knew was that I wanted to change. I’d spent the first year in solitary, wrestling with uncertainty and despair. Thanks to Officer Wilson, I learned about philosophy. The books he brought exposed me to the teachings of Epictetus. His life story offered me a new way to see my situation.
Epictetus was no stranger to hardship. He was born into slavery and faced physical disabilities, yet he never let his circumstances define him. He focused on controlling his own thoughts, actions, and perspective. Through his philosophy, I learned many essential lessons:
- We have to live in the world as it exists.
- Bad things will happen, sometimes through our decisions and sometimes through no decisions of our own.
- We can choose how we’re going to respond when bad things happen.
- Our response to challenges matters far more than how we got into challenges.
Epictetus encouraged me to accept that my journey would be tough, but that acceptance wasn’t about giving up. It meant embracing the challenge and searching for meaning in it. He wrote::
- “We are disturbed not by what happens to us, but by our thoughts about what happens.”
Those words helped me step away from self-pity and start building something meaningful—even in prison.
Putting Epictetus’ Lessons into Action
Motivated by Epictetus, I recognized I could only focus on what I could control. I had no say in how long my sentence would last, but I could choose how to spend each day. Out of that understanding grew what I call my three-pronged plan:
- Educating Myself
I threw myself into reading, writing, and studying. By investing in my education, I built my confidence and laid a foundation for future opportunities. - Contributing to Society
I started writing to share what I learned from leaders, some of whom I met, others I never met. Even in isolation, I could learn and share what I was learning, which would become part of a body of work that accelerate prospects for success. - Building a Support Network
I sought out mentors—not only people I met in person, but through the works of great thinkers like Epictetus. Their wisdom guided me through the darkness.
Climbing Out of Struggle
By shifting my perspective, I stopped viewing prison as a place of despair and started seeing it as a training ground. Each incremental accomplishment led to more opportunities. By focusing on my own growth, I discovered ways to thrive, even within the confines of prison. Eventually, those actions generated both intellectual and financial resources—resources I invested in my future.
One of the most meaningful outcomes was using those resources to get married while I was still inside. That commitment helped me to believe I could be part of something bigger than myself. Even behind bars, life could hold purpose.
Life After Prison
When I finished my sentence in 2013, I felt confident that I could succeed in society, not just as someone who’d served time, but as someone ready to contribute. My wife and I joined forces to build resources that allow me to devote my career to making a positive impact. I may not have the same level of wealth as others, but by investing in myself, I inspired others to invest alongside me. They began supporting my mission, and I have many reasons to be grateful to them–because essentially, they were investing in what they saw in me.
Our focus now is on helping people in prison prepare for a successful return to society. Just as Epictetus’ teachings guided me, I hope to provide the same kind of practical framework for others. They can decide if these strategies work for them, but my role is to show what’s possible with discipline and a willingness to learn.
Self-Directed Question:
Drawing on Epictetus’ insight and my own experiences, I challenge you to think about your own life: What steps can you take today to focus on what you can control and build a ladder out of your struggles?
