Carole came into my life about 23 years ago, in early 2002. Although we had been in the same schools since fifth grade—elementary, junior high, and high school in Lake Forest Park, a suburb of North Seattle—we were never close friends. Carole was a “good girl,” and, as my journey through prison reveals, I made many bad decisions during a reckless adolescence. People wouldn’t describe me as a “good boy” back then.
Our story began when she was coordinating the 20-year high school reunion for Shorecrest High School’s class of 1982. Someone—an unknown person who had followed my work in prison—asked about my time at Shorecrest. That question prompted Carole to write a letter to me, and her letter led to more extensive correspondence. In time, we fell in love and got married inside a prison’s visiting room, on June 24, 2003.
When we began our life together, I still faced another decade in prison. Carole was determined to help me get home sooner, but I expected the system’s rigidity wouldn’t budge and that I would remain locked up until 2012 or 2013. Rather than bemoan the system, we decided to use our time to prepare for success upon release—and I had a plan. If Carole joined that plan with me, I promised we would build a magnificent life together.
As I detailed in Earning Freedom: Conquering a 45-Year Prison Term, Carole and I faced many hurdles. The prison system isn’t family-friendly, and administrators transferred me frequently. Each time they transferred me, Carole uprooted her life, moving to a nearby community so we could continue to grow together. She had to move more than 20 times during the time we spent nurturing our marriage from inside of a prison room; I’m accountable to her because of the many sacrifices she made to grow our love. To get through the tough times ,we focused on incremental goals. Carole held herself accountable to her objectives, and I did the same for mine.
We lived according to the Straight-A Guide: setting Aspirations, developing the right Attitude, taking Action, cultivating a strong sense of Accountability, and developing Awareness along the way. Carole became a certified nurse’s aide, then a licensed vocational nurse, a registered nurse, and finally a master’s-educated clinical nurse leader. That progression was a product of her holding herself accountable, step by step. Meanwhile, I did everything I could from inside to prepare for success upon release.
Eventually, as my release neared, we discussed our expenses. We’d practiced daily discipline—saving and preparing meticulously—so that I could emerge with enough resources to move forward. By the time I returned to society, I had accumulated approximately $100,000 in savings. We intended to invest those resources to build my career and secure a stable foothold in our new life.
I learned these principles of personal accountability from mentors in prison. One such mentor was Greg Reyes, formerly the CEO of Brocade Communications. By listening to him, I realized that no one in the marketplace cares about excuses or reasons for failure. Leaders must deliver results, and the mindset of radical accountability—accepting everything as your fault—drives a higher standard of performance. I found great value in that perspective. It complemented what other mentors taught me: if we want to succeed, we need clear goals and a system of accountability to measure progress regularly.
Those lessons continue to guide me, as evidenced by my ongoing fitness logs, finance logs, and daily logs. I wouldn’t ask anyone to do something that I’m not also doing myself.
Self-Directed Learning Question:
- In what area of your life—personal, professional, or otherwise—could adopting a mindset of complete accountability help you most, and how would you measure your progress to ensure you stay on track?